baby butterflies

tbh, i really tought my butterlies is dead. i really did.

for few years, i did not feel any butterflies anymore. im happy, but no butterflies in my stomach.

no, don't talk to me about butterflies in stomach is just a trick for nervous yada-yada, stophhh. let me enjoy things.

but one day, i felt butterflies, really a lot. you know why? not because i wanna terbirak so much.

its when my friend told me she's pregnant.

do you know how happy am i? i always want that. to have a tiny feet, tiny badump-badump in your uterus... how magical feeling it can be?

i always want to be a mother. checking on how to adopt kids kinda my annual thingy. i've gave hints to my parents but the. forbid it, and i didn't blame them for not approve and think like me. because i know, whatever it is, they always want the best for me.

nope, when i say i want kids/baby i didn't really want to get married (lot's of drama and i have to meet men) or having sex or yada-yada, i just want a kid by myself like puink puink taraaa uwek uwek. and that's the problem. no magic can tunaikan apa yang i nak.

i really hope that one day i have a kids, from my own body or another. it must be feeling so amazing to have someone who needs you 24/7. no matter how broken you are, how insecure/unlovable you think you are, this one will always love you.

who? its our kids.

how is it feel to be back from busy schedule and having someone who waiting for you? for your hugs? for your existence? to talk to you about their day? to ask you things their curious about? bruh, how i wish.

i know raising a kids is not easy, nobody say it was easy. its a lot of pengorbanan. been there. those burnouts is real. i had to go out for a few minutes just to cry because of tiredness. rip to me time. what is me time? kids want to cling with you everytime. only when you berak you can have me time. if bad mood baby, you may have to bring the baby also during uk-uk.

a lot of pengorbanan, but it will be worth in the future. but seeing a baby/kids you've taken care of growing, may be a bit hurt.

jangan salah faham, i do want them to be grow healthily. but seeing the increasing distance between them and us is hurt... some of them may not loving to be touch anymore... some of them may want to do everything by themselves... some physical attachment become loose.

me who having love language physical touch is shaaaakiiinggg and shaddd~

ok next, let's talk about pure. kids is pure. their way of thinking, their lovely scents, their touch, their gaze, everything about them is pure and cute. if given a choice, i always want to talk to kids more than adults. why? they always talk about whats in their head.

ever heard about when a kid praise you pretty, means you are pretty? that's true. most of the kids don't lie, they just talk their minds. not like us yang did not talk a word and then just hope another pihak faham. siapa tah gitu HAHA

let's talk about tantrum. tantrums? you should be thankful when kids having tantrums on you. why? i ada terbaca yang kids tantrums because it means you are their safe-place. kids only let go their emotional-stressed to their safe-place which is their mom/parents. so, how is it feeling to be someone's safe-place? someone's home?

i wish one day i can raise a kids by myself, with my own hands. im sorry if my post is not relevant to you because im talking only from my pov, from my secubit experience and feelings. not from any psychology, theory or else.

btw happy mothers day to all mothers, babysitters, teachers and women. idk how you guys did it on earth, but its a job to heaven.

bye, my cramps are coming. can we talk about special mc for pms or- bhai

ps: if you're tired being an adult, you can be my baby. hihik

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